To make you smile...

A funny from my friend Sally....

A woman brought a duck in to see a veterinarian. The duck wasn’t moving. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, “I’m sorry, Cuddles has passed away”.

The distressed owner wailed, “Are you sure?”
“Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead”, he replied
“How can you be so sure?” she protested. “I mean, you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something”

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, returning a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. The Lab then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog and took it out, returning a few minutes later with a beautiful cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird. The cat sat back on his haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck”

Then he turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman

The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “£150 ? “ she cried “£150 just to tell me my duck is dead?”

The vet shrugged. “I’m sorry”, he said “if you’d taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan……….”

Parenthood.....

I find it hard to credit that this little lad is 20 today. It is Andy’s birthday today, and so Officially, I no longer have teenage sons! I have 2 adult men who call me Mum – which is rather scary!!

I think that at this time of year, one of the things that strikes me most about the Christmas Story is what it tells us about the nature of parenthood. First, we have a Heavenly Father who risked so very much by allowing the Only Son He had to become so very vulnerable. Today, if we did a Risk Assessment on God’s Plan of Salvation, heaven could not contain the number of Health and Safety Executives banning it as a Very Bad Idea! Thankfully, God’s plans always come to pass…..

And then there were Mary and Joseph, of course. So many plans, so little realisation of them…I guess they had not intended to start a family so soon in life, nor that the Nazareth Maternity Centre was to be completely struck off Mary’s “Birth Plan for The Midwife….”

And Scripture never tells us what Mary’s Mum thought of all this.

We know that Mary’s Aunt rejoiced (but then Elizabeth was probably a little pre-occupied with her own pregnancy). I wonder if Mary’s parent’s died young, or does Scripture draw a veil over that family set-up? ‘Cos I know, that had I been Mary’s Mum, I would have had a few words to say about (apparent) illegitimacy, making a ridiculously unsafe journey at such a late stage in her pregnancy ( hadn’t she read the Government Health Warnings?), not to mention my letters of complaint to the Bethlehem Midwives for a complete lack of attention to the most basic hygiene practises. And then, not only does Mary not bother coming home to show off MY Grandchild, she flits off to Egypt as a refugee! What kind of a no-good fellow had she got involved with?….

And as for Joseph’s Mum…well…..Who to believe? The village gossips, who tut-tutted but never said aloud that her son “got that lovely nice girl into trouble”; or her own son Joseph, who claimed that it was a miracle?

Pat’s Thought for the Day
In the pressures of the last 12 Days of this Christmas, remember that as parents, we are human, even though we attempt the super-human for our children. And then remember that there is One Father, who put everything on the line, to make sure that His Family can one day come home, not just for Christmas, but forever…..