Barbecues....

It’s that time of year again – we get enough sun so that everyone’s mind wanders off to – Barbecues!

I found this in last week’s Mail, and for those of you who have missed this essential bit of Barbecue etiquette, please read on…

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ, the following chain of events is to be set in motion:
1. The woman buys the food
2. The woman cleans the salad, prepares the dips and makes pudding
3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill – drink in hand. The woman pours herself a large drink

Here comes the important part:

4. THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL! Commander of the Coals, he brandishes the tongs in a manly fashion. Everything about his posture says, “This cooking lark’s a doddle”
5. The woman goes inside to organise the plates and the cutlery
6. The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring him another drink while he Deals With The Situation.

Another very important part:

7. THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
8. Inside, the woman cannot find a clean glass and starts drinking wine from the bottle. She scrapes the burnt bits off the lamb steaks, and, from the oven, produces some M & S kebabs which she has bought, just in case. The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, cutlery, napkins, and sauces and brings them to the table.
9. After eating, the woman clears the table and loads the dishwasher.

And most important of all:

10. Everyone PRAISES THE MAN and THANKS HIM for all his cooking efforts
11. The man asks the woman how she enjoyed her “night off”. Woman grips barbecue skewer tightly. Says nothing

I showed this to John, who has a great sense of humour, as we had a family Barbie last week, and we had a slight variation on the above.
Our Barbie is a gas one (really fast), and the instructions recommended that we lay new cat litter on the drip tray underneath to catch any grease. Worked a treat last year, so we got some new for this year.

Just around Point 6 above, my 11 year old nephew calmly said, “Uncle John, the barbecue’s on fire”
"It’s supposed to be, Reece”
“ But look, Uncle John……”

Yes, the cat litter had caught alight! Enter Pat with a water spray while John is frantically Dealing With The Situation and trying not to drop burning cat litter on the grass!

The British Summer – don’t ya just love it?